Fog // Poetry

Sit here,
Incommunicable,
Arms hugging nothing,
Remnants of something,
Flicker on a screen.

For a tenth of a second,
Your heart leaps,
At the sound of something,
One buzz and you exist,
To the world beyond fog.

This is light!
But only if you act,
Strut the stage in your finest,
Caricature of happy normal,
But you failed at the first audition.

Couldn’t play my own part,
Something in my eyes,
They didn’t want to see,
Words they didn’t want to hear,
So I went back to my fog.

There I can be an alien,
I can only upset the darkness,
And the dust that settles,
On empty chairs,
That don’t care who shall sit on them.

 


Elizabeth is studying French at King’s College London. 

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Hi, my name is Elizabeth (or Lizzy, I don’t mind) and I am 22 years old. Since as long as I can remember, I have always felt quite different and alienated from others and have suffered from anxiety and depression. I have not yet gotten officially diagnosed but many people and I suspect I may either be high-functioning autistic or have a PD. My time at Kings’ has been a bit of a rollercoaster, mostly from the constant need to act a certain way to get along, both with people and with the classes. I feel things very deeply but can’t express how I feel, which is something which affects me on a daily basis. Attitudes towards mental health have definitely improved since I have been here at Kings’, and ThinkMental is such a great way to have a frank discussion about how we really feel rather than how we feel we have to feel.

I remember as a fresher not really knowing how to express feeling completely socially inept, or tell people I was depressed for the second half of the year when I simply couldn’t keep up the ‘act’ any more and crashed in solitude because of the shame of not being able to cope. So things have definitely improved since then! I am determined to be more open about mental health so we can better reach out to one another and know that we are never alone.

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